When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.

When I was 16, I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.

In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn’t keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad, impetuous things and made me miserable as often as she made me happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.

When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

I am now 37, and am looking for a woman with very big breasts

LMAO

THE PERFECT MATCH AND WHY IT DOSEN"T EXIST.

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met.

They were a perfect match and after a perfect courtship they had a perfect wedding.

Their life together was perfect.

One snowy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple were driving their perfect car along a winding road when they noticed someone up ahead in distress.

Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.

There stood an honest politician next to his broken down car.

The honest politician told the perfect couple that he was desparately trying to get home to his young family with all their Christmas presents.

Not wanting to disappoint children on the eve of Christmas the perfect couple loaded the honest politician and his gifts into their car.

Soon they were driving the honest politician and his gifts home to his young family.

Unfortunately, driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and the honest politician were in a terrible accident.

Only one of the three survived. Who was the lone survivor?

THE PERFECT WOMAN, everyone knows there is no such thing as an honest politician or a perfect husband.

By the way the only reason they had an accident was because the woman was driving.........LMAO. c I knew I'd make u laugh.